I Hope You Are Okay

Dear baby,

I love you so much. This weekend has been filled with so much up & down for me. Ups because you're having a great time with your cousin Andrew at his mom's house & I know you guys are best friends & it's just wonderful to see you be happy & get to spend time with him. Down because it's been a long weekend without the ability to see or talk verbally with you, up because we have kiked every chance you have had & down because..I can't seem to shake the feeling that something is up emotionally for you for the past two days. 

I know, I know, it's most likely me & my insecurities or me overreacting & I know I have raised these questions to you at least several times (Is anything wrong, are you okay etc)  & the answer has usually been that you're okay & I don't wish to make you feel as if I don't trust you or anything, but I'll be honest...your typing kind of tells me different. Or at least I feel that way. I am use to you typing like omg baby!!! hiiii!!! I missed you!!!" Like you know..happy, excited etc. I am use to the word baby being used a lot. What am not use to are these short, one word replies...like "oh" "okay" "no" etc. I know you said the day before yesterday that you weren't feeling good & then yesterday you seemed more yourself but today it's like..you're back to being kind of gloomy. I know you don't mean to come off that way as you say but..I'm trying to communicate with you baby & say that while you don't mean too..you do. You're giving me all these signals that something is off. Or that you're no longer really happy or excited to talk to me again. 

If nothing is wrong truly & I do trust you in that, it makes me then ask: why..are you suddenly changing how you type to me then? Why has it gone from !!! & babys! & just this overabundant & heart warming excitement that makes my face light up every time I saw I had a kik or text from you <3 to..well..the short answers, the one words, the no excitement..?  

I just worry when this happens, I want you happy.  I know that you can't always be happy, just like I can't always be happy & that's okay. It's totally okay to have bad days, shitty days, super shitty days, crying days & days when you want to be alone. But at least I can try to make you feel better baby. You're my everything & I just want the chance to know if something is going on so I can try to help you feel better. I would do anything for you weasel. I just don't like feeling like..something's going on or you're not happy & I don't like feeling like..if there's nothing wrong..why you are different suddenly towards me at times. Just understand I love you & whatever is going on (when it does or is) I am fucking here for you baby. I'm never going to turn my back on you, I am never going to make you feel ashamed or anything. I am only going to try to help you the best I can. I love you so much & I am so excited to be able to cam with you tomorrow after school!

We have all these things to look forward too baby, camming, movies, sex, music, love, talking...just so much. When I feel shitty, I think of you & all the good times we have had & the times we have yet to have. I feel insanely connected to you despite the distance, I hope you feel the same baby <3 

I just wanted you to know all this, not to make you feel bad or anything, just aware more that it does affect me when I can't figure out what's going on or I feel like something is even if it isn't. It's important to communicate baby weasel, it's important to be open & it's important to not change how we talk to each other suddenly because when it's simply text..I cannot tell if you're sad mad hurt or anything especially when you won't tell me if you are. I love you so much & I hope your Memorial Day weekend was fun & you & Andrew had a fucking blast because YOU deserve that darling! I hope you're ready for an EPIC weekend (or whatever we can do!) with ME & you're ready to celebrate my birthday in style, starting TOMORROW aka Tuesday!!!!!

I love you weasel,

Remember--you are my SUPERMAN

There is nothing you can't overcome or do. You are light, you are love, you are everything.

Love, Sweet Beak