I Hope You Are Okay

Dear baby,

I love you so much. This weekend has been filled with so much up & down for me. Ups because you're having a great time with your cousin Andrew at his mom's house & I know you guys are best friends & it's just wonderful to see you be happy & get to spend time with him. Down because it's been a long weekend without the ability to see or talk verbally with you, up because we have kiked every chance you have had & down because..I can't seem to shake the feeling that something is up emotionally for you for the past two days. 

I know, I know, it's most likely me & my insecurities or me overreacting & I know I have raised these questions to you at least several times (Is anything wrong, are you okay etc)  & the answer has usually been that you're okay & I don't wish to make you feel as if I don't trust you or anything, but I'll be honest...your typing kind of tells me different. Or at least I feel that way. I am use to you typing like omg baby!!! hiiii!!! I missed you!!!" Like you know..happy, excited etc. I am use to the word baby being used a lot. What am not use to are these short, one word replies...like "oh" "okay" "no" etc. I know you said the day before yesterday that you weren't feeling good & then yesterday you seemed more yourself but today it's like..you're back to being kind of gloomy. I know you don't mean to come off that way as you say but..I'm trying to communicate with you baby & say that while you don't mean too..you do. You're giving me all these signals that something is off. Or that you're no longer really happy or excited to talk to me again. 

If nothing is wrong truly & I do trust you in that, it makes me then ask: why..are you suddenly changing how you type to me then? Why has it gone from !!! & babys! & just this overabundant & heart warming excitement that makes my face light up every time I saw I had a kik or text from you <3 to..well..the short answers, the one words, the no excitement..?  

I just worry when this happens, I want you happy.  I know that you can't always be happy, just like I can't always be happy & that's okay. It's totally okay to have bad days, shitty days, super shitty days, crying days & days when you want to be alone. But at least I can try to make you feel better baby. You're my everything & I just want the chance to know if something is going on so I can try to help you feel better. I would do anything for you weasel. I just don't like feeling like..something's going on or you're not happy & I don't like feeling like..if there's nothing wrong..why you are different suddenly towards me at times. Just understand I love you & whatever is going on (when it does or is) I am fucking here for you baby. I'm never going to turn my back on you, I am never going to make you feel ashamed or anything. I am only going to try to help you the best I can. I love you so much & I am so excited to be able to cam with you tomorrow after school!

We have all these things to look forward too baby, camming, movies, sex, music, love, talking...just so much. When I feel shitty, I think of you & all the good times we have had & the times we have yet to have. I feel insanely connected to you despite the distance, I hope you feel the same baby <3 

I just wanted you to know all this, not to make you feel bad or anything, just aware more that it does affect me when I can't figure out what's going on or I feel like something is even if it isn't. It's important to communicate baby weasel, it's important to be open & it's important to not change how we talk to each other suddenly because when it's simply text..I cannot tell if you're sad mad hurt or anything especially when you won't tell me if you are. I love you so much & I hope your Memorial Day weekend was fun & you & Andrew had a fucking blast because YOU deserve that darling! I hope you're ready for an EPIC weekend (or whatever we can do!) with ME & you're ready to celebrate my birthday in style, starting TOMORROW aka Tuesday!!!!!

I love you weasel,

Remember--you are my SUPERMAN

There is nothing you can't overcome or do. You are light, you are love, you are everything.

Love, Sweet Beak

I Miss You

Dear baby<3


I miss you. I don't know what happened last night..you said we were going to cam, I saw you active o Skype for a bit..but no call came. No text came. Then you went on away on Skype which happens when you're not active..

I didn't think much of it...I assumed maybe you had fallen asleep or gotten into another argument with your brother & just lost track of time baby. However, when today came & I got no text from you at all..which is so rare (in fact the only times I haven't had texts from you during the week at school, was when you got your phone taken) I started feeling some type of way..like worried mainly. Hoping everything is okay..I know you got that F in tech essentials so I didn't know if somehow you lost your phone over that, like your dad was home & took it or if he got mad because of the overdue game thing you & Brandon fought about or like what the fuck has happened. All I know is you were there & then you were gone & I am in the dark about it. It worries me because I figured at the least you'd log onto to Skype on the tablet or SK on a computer & message me to tell me what happened &..it's now past 7pm my time (4 yours) & I have heard literally nothing from you. I am really hoping you remember to check this place..so that you know I am worried, I am thinking of you & whatever happened is okay, we can work around it--I just need to know. I fucking miss you & I really hope whatever happened isn't serious...that you find a way to let me know what's up & how we can proceed...you have a tablet, you have a computer...you have ways to alert me & let me know things are okay without a phone if it got taken or whatever...not knowing is the worst for me. Like..I love you so much baby<3 I just want you to know I do, I am waiting, I am assuming something has happened out of your control & that's why you have disappeared on me..I have come a long way in my insecurities & I don't think you broke up with me or anything, like I do feel this is a case of something out of your control. Just know, I know that baby. Know that  I am here waiting for any sign from you that it's okay & what happened. I am here. I am not going anywhere. Just do your best to let me know what's going on & we will handle it together <3


In other news, I hope you had a good day at school! I miss you every day, I even miss you when you have to go after an 8 hour or so cam session hehe. I love you so much & I just wanted you to know again, even if I can't say it to your face right now, how much you mean to me. Kevvy, you're my everything. You are amazing & strong, precious snout<3 You are my forever & I hope you feel the same, I feel like you do. You do such an incredible job in making me feel so loved baby & I am so fucking lucky. You are so fucking smart baby, it was annoying the fight with Brandon but you were SO INTELLIGENT IN IT<3 You are amazing & you made your point & you stuck with it & unfff baby, it was amazing, YOU are amazing. I could write so much about you, fuck you hung the sun moon & stars to me weasel. You are just everything to me.

I hope you know this, despite whatever may happen, it's always you Kevvy, it always will be.


I love you. 04/4/15-forever<3

(I remember the date we picked <3)

I hope you read this baby, I hope you can get in touch with me somehow, I'll be waiting ,33

Poems For You

Dear baby,

I know I wrote you a letter already below this, BUT doing this helps me feel closer to you & gives you even more reasons to smile! I thought I would try my hand at poetry for you baby<3



Galaxy

I look at you & I see a world
A galaxy within
Stars align in your eyes
And I see the constellations
form

Anytime I've felt battered
 Beaten torn
You've never failed to
Part the skies & make
Me whole again

The stars died to create you
But inside I see them thrive
Everytime I look at you
I see a galaxy within

Everytime I see you;
I know the universe resides.



Muse

Oh darling
Look at you!

How your hair falls perfectly
Around your face
The words tumble from your
Lips
The faces that you make
Eveything about you

Every single little thing;
Is perfect in my eyes
From your hoodies
To your jeans
To the way your eyes spark up
& your voice still laughs

I look at you & a thousand words
Flow through my mind
Each & every time
I find myself writing stories
Poems & everything
In between

You are my muse darling.
You spark my own intrigue




I Love You

"I love you, I love you
I love you!!"

I'll scream this as I see you

I could say this a thousand times
In a sentence, on a dime,
Shout it from the rooftops
I could paint it on a sign
Hang it miles in the air
Or stick it under there

I could spell it in the clouds
I could whisper in your ear
Or buy a bunch of balloons
& release them ever more.

A thousand times to say it,
A million ways to show it

& that my baby,

is only in the first hour.



Okay, so I tried! I hope you enjoyed them love. I hope things are slowly but surely getting better for you schoolwise. I fucking miss you so so much...come back to me as soon as you can, I'll be here waiting baby<3 I hope you smiled lots reading them!!! <3



Love, Sweet Beak

Don't Stress Baby

Hiii baby!

First thing is first:

(Did I say that enough? hehe <3) Now then, How are you? I hope good<3 I miss you like crazy, but I know you're doing what you gotta do to ensure you don't get your phone taken away! But I still miss you as I am sure you miss me<3 You are everything to me, you are the light to my soul & the smile to my lips. You are by far the best thing that's ever happened to me baby weasel. Even though I get sad & miss you like an insane amount...I keep in mind this:

I know you'e really stressed over all this school work, I don't know what happened. If I had known you were struggling in school or not doing your work, I would have had you do it baby! I am sorry :( Just remember, I am as stressed & sad as you precious snout because A: I don't like seeing you this way & B: I miss you & I want you happy! I am very sad, it's hard to not have the ability to talk to you as much, to tell you funny things, about my day, ask how you are & watch fucked up things or listen to songs with you. I keep in mind though, that it's not forever. Time is a funny thing, when I am with you time does not exist & when I am without you, time exists, crawling by in molasses. I love you so much. I look forward still to each day because I know despite the stress & school you have to deal with, I am with you & you are with me. Plus each day gives me the new idea that maybe, today/night I will Skype with you or you can call me cuz eventually--you will! This too shall pass baby, this will not last forever. You are my everything & I want you to know even if we can't see each other or talk as much, I am still right here waiting for you.  So smile darling, it's going to be okay. Take a deep breath & say "I can do this. Baby believes in me, I believe in me." If you have to, ask for help from a teacher or your grandfather ("Suck my nigger cock what is this math?!") explore your options in regards to doing your work. You have options baby, there is NO shame in asking for help from people in positions to help you or give you a little extra time on something.  If it's ever English, history, writing, some science, law even, writing a paper or essay & you need it done fast etc (basically, unfortunately anything but math) I AM YOUR GIRL! Or Sweet Beak for the job! Like We can do a school skype session or like you can call me or text me & ask me questions or send me things you need written or help with. Like whatever it takes, whatever I can do to help ease the stress with what you're going through I'll do it baby. This isn't about you not getting your phone taken away so much anymore (Although, don't get me wrong that is still vastly important!) it's about your emotional & mental health now baby. I want you to be as stress free as you can be, not just for your sanity but also so you don't freeze up & not do anything or feel really shitty & overwhelmed. Talk to your father baby, explain to him that you're doing all you can to ensure you're making up credits or doing extra things, but the math is very hard for you. Basically, just let him know that you are doing what needs to be done but you're struggling & at the least, he'll be aware of this so maybe if shit falls apart or you don't get that credit or whatever he won't be so harsh on you. Anything can help baby. 
"These times are hard
It feels like nothings' gonna change
No where to start and you got nothing for the pain
'Cause when life moves fast it don't matter who you are
You gotta find someone to hold on to
Damn! These times are hard."
I guess I just want you to know you aren't struggling alone in this, I know it may feel as if you are literally drowning, but I am right here love. Just grab my hand okay? You have me to hold on to. We are going to make it through this together & have an EPIC SUMMER! I love you so so so much baby, I look at your pictures all day & night whenever I can, I lie in bed & I think about you. This blog is helping me get through this as I hope it helps you get through your stressful school shit. You're perfect baby. You got this. I am in your corner a hundred percent, all the way.

Never ever forget you are my SUPERMAN <3

You are amazing & you got this on lock, I am right here to help you be it emotionally/mentally by talking to you or writing to you or physically even by helping you with school work. You are NOT alone in this, you are not fighting it alone. You have options, you have love. Use it baby. Don't let school shit get you down, stand up & make it YOUR bitch! My Alpha<3 Don't roll over, don't admit defeat, keep on going you're almost there darling. I miss you I love you. I think of you all the time, there's nothing I won't do to at LEAST TRY to ensure your happiness & want to continue to thrive in life. You're worth so much, more than you could ever imagine Kevvy. Sometimes, I get real sad cuz I miss you but then I am reminded how much you love me, every time you have a second to text you're letting me know it. I am beyond lucky to have you as mine.

Keep up the fantastic work baby! I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I can't wait to see your face or hear your voice love, just know I am right here fighting with you through all the stress. You're not alone.

Love, Sweet Beak.

Because You Were Feeling Sad Baby

Dearest precious snout<3

I know you're feeling sad because you have to do all this school work & we can't spend as much time together as we would both love, but keep up the amazing work darling. School is almost over & we'll be able to spend the entire summer together & I can't fucking wait! You're beautiful & you got this baby, you never didn't. I miss you more than you could ever imagine & every tie my phone lights up from a text from you, I am smiling like crazy! I a so unbelievably proud of you, for doing what you need to do to ensure you don't get your phone taken away so that we can continue to be together without interruption. I am so lucky to call you mine my weasel.

Don't feel sad okay? Sweet Beak loves you so much & is right here, even when you can't talk much with me. I am always with you & I am always thinking about you. I got your pictures right here & when I am sad, I look at them. I know that even though miles are between us, you're as right here with me as if you were physically. You're worth all of this, worth the waiting & missing you because I know come summer, things will be the most amazing they've ever been for either of us. You make my heart skip a beat every time I talk to you, you give me butterflies like crazy & boy, there's no one in this world that could ever compare to you. Don't forget you have this place to come to when you're sad, to see how much I love you, support you, need you & above all else want you. You're my Superman baby don't you ever forget that<3 & don't you ever forget that if I am the oxygen to your lungs, than you baby are the blood in my veins. You're so precious to me, so beautiful, so fucking handsome & I just think a lot about how lucky I am to have you. To just know you as a person, let alone be able to call you my boyfriend is an honor that I couldn't ever trade in. You're it baby, all or nothing, in it to win it. I am so proud of you, I want you to keep on doing what you're doing, you never fail to make my heart smile or skip that beat! You're a treasure don't you know baby? My diamond in the rough, my diamond in a rhinestone world.

Don't you ever give up baby. Don't you ever look down, don't you ever say you're sorry to no one. You're amazing & perfect in my eyes & you never have anything to ever be sorry about. 

I fucking love you. 

Please know how important you are to me baby weasel. Sweet Beak is not much without you by her side. You're my everything. Don't let your crown fall off my king, keep your head up high, I am always supporting you, loving you & thinking about you. 

Time & distance means nothing, when someone means so fucking much. I'll wait forever & a day for you, because by the day, I'll have you in my arms. 

I hope you smile a lot when you read this, I hope it helps ease the schoolwork & reminds you of how much I love you & how beautiful & amazing you fucking are despite the struggles life may throw at you. You are awe-inspiring, you are stronger than anyone I have ever met & I know whatever has you down, you'll be able to overcome it & stand up tall despite the pain or sadness. I fucking believe in you Kevvy, I really do. You're smart as hell & you're brave as fuck, kind as all & loving as no one I ever met before. You're my baby, I'll always have your back, I'll never let you fall.

I'm right here baby.

Forever<3

Love always & forever, Sweet Beak.

My Soulmate

Dearest love,



Ahhhh! I am so fucking excited to be able to post your first letter on our new blog baby! I thought this would be a good idea to have for us so that you or even I, when we are feeling some type of way can log on or go to our site & read just how much we truly love & mean to one another. I want you to be able to come on here really whenever you want & be able to read the words & letters upon letters I crafted for you. I imagine your eyes lighting up & that adorable, loving smile break out across your face every time you see you have a new letter or you're re-reading an old one. That means everything to me you know, knowing you're smiling & feeling loved. That you're happy & content, it's all I ever want to give you among so much more baby. I hope this place becomes your sanctuary & becomes a place where you are reminded daily of how truly amazing & beautiful you are.

Right now I am missing you so much. Which is no different than whenever I can't talk to you or see your handsome face as much as I'd like. So I guess in a way, this place gives me a chance to talk to you at all times regardless if you can respond or not because I know you'll be able to read it eventually. I am also drinking a mocha coconut Frappuccino from Starbucks that you can buy in the supermarket & it's honestly disgusting. I thought it was my regular mocha one but I missed seeing the coconut part & it's apparently blended. Bleh. I mean it's drinkable but next time...next time I won't be making this mistake. Anyways, it's insane in a GREAT way that I feel like we've been dating for months or years & we haven't even been together a full month yet! You have no idea how happy you make me, we seriously just click. There's no other way around it. My red string is attached to yours. The Red String of Fate claims that there is an invisible red string that ties from your finger to the one you're destined to be with. The string may get twisted, knotted up, stretched, confused & tangled, but it can never, ever, be broken. It is as clear as ever to me baby, that my red string was always tied to you, you are my soulmate, my lover. You are who I am destined to be with & I couldn't nor if I could, ever pick a better mate baby.

You make me so fucking happy. I truly believe you were meant to be in my life.  I don't believe in god & shit like that, but I believe we meet certain people who become so incredibly important to us, who we can't hardly breathe when they aren't around & we fall so in love with them & no matter what happens it's one hell of an adventure & baby--I look forward to many, many, MANY adventures with you. Eighteen you'll fucking be here no matter what, I don't care if I have to sell my soul for you to come, I'll do it. I just want the chance to hug you & tell you you're beautiful to your face. I'd travel a thousand hours just to be able to spend one with you. I love how we are with each other you know? We are so comfortable with each other & some people say that's a bad thing & you know what I say? FUCK 'EM. If you can't talk about weird things or gross things, you can't laugh during sex a few times or feel like you can tell your lover anything in the world & they won't judge you--then you're with the wrong person. I love laughing with you about everything, I love how protective you get over me, I love how we can be talking & having a good time then bam! "The fuck you say baby? No. You're not." Like you go from funny haha to super serious, I'll kill a nigga in like .1 seconds. I love talking to you, I love how you do understand things because we are so similar with our insecurities, like you don't make me feel crazy or like a bitch when I bring up concerns I have. You listen, even if you don't agree you're still able to see how I would feel or how I see things & you never fail to ease my worries & let me know it's okay. You never put me down, you don't make me feel bad about anything & sometimes I do cry or want to, not because I am sad but because I am literally overwhelmed with the kindness & love. I love how I asked you when we started dating, like what day & you were all "Well, it's not a bad thing I was so excited! but..I don't remember.." & I was like "AWW" & told you "It's okay, I was asking you cuz I don't..know!" Because unless it's your birthday or like a major holiday, I am so bad with dates & keeping track of them. It just means that we can pick our own date & personalize it baby<3 

Not all heros wear capes or belong in bands with tattoos. 

Not all heros have a lot of money or live in fancy houses.

My hero wears a Superman hoodie.

His name is Kevin.

I fucking love him so much.

He didn't rescue me from a burning building

But he rescued me from the recesses of my mind.

He didn't fly away with me

But he did pick me up in his arms & hold me.

He tells me he loves me every day

Heros are always portrayed as having the inability

to form emotional connections.

Kevin is my hero because he put it down

& he rescued me & tells me I am beautiful.

He didn't have to do that. 

What makes a hero?

Someone who recognizes the potential & beauty in a single person, 

Who saves them not to prove something to themselves,

But because they see everything in the other. 

Someone like Kevin.

He's the real SUPERMAN.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6IhIKGVBXA

That's the link to a song that whenever I hear, I think only & constantly of you baby. my soulmate you are. I truly believe that.

You're my hero baby. You're the greatest man in the world to me & I never want a day or night to go by where you don't know how I feel towards you, how much I look up to you. 

My Alpha. 

My Weasel.

My Baby.

My Kevvy.

My Killin' Every Vagina In [The] Neighborhood.

My Dirt Weasel.

My Oogie.

My Love.

My Darling.

Mi Amor. 

My Precious Snout.

Mine.

My Soulmate.

There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Nothing. I am so proud of you & everything you do, I hope every day you wake up with a smile & you know, your life is precious & I wouldn't know what to do without you. 

If I am your oxygen, than surely, you are the blood in my veins. 

I hope this letter made you smile & feel good baby<3 I love you so fucking much, such an incredible amount. I can only hope that my letters, songs etc. can show you a tiny fraction of how much I love you. You deserve the world baby, you deserve so much happiness & love. I am honored to be the one to give this to you as much as I can. Keep your head high, I don't want your crown to fall off my king<3

Love, Sweet Beak.